Ramadan 2020

This post may sound like it's coming from a teenager, but what to do 'Dil to bachcha hai ji,' and the lock down is adding the additional dramatic touch to life so, harmones + lock down = maximum drama.

Sunday is Eid, when I got up Friday intending to fast, my head was hurting - I cancelled my 8'O clock meeting with my Italian  colleagues and postponed it to Monday because the whole week I have had early morning meetings. Though Monday is a holiday, just not to postpone things more, I thought I will just talk to them on Monday. Anyways, after a good sleep I got up with my head hurting a lot, it was the last Friday of Ramadan, an important day to fast and the last second day of fasting just before Eid. I lay in bed texting my sister that I doubt I can fast today because my head hurted a lot. I figured it was going to be a tough one that day, but after sometime I realized it was that time of the month. 

I felt sad that I couldn't make the last two days of Ramadan and also not be able to do the eid prayers, though there was a lot of sadness, there was no guilt this time that I didn't make the most of it. The night before when I sat for my night prayers, I didn't intend to pray for so long but I kept praying for few hours, in my mind I had it - you never know if you get the next Ramadan, this thought was due to the uncertain things that's been happening around us, COVID and all the unpredictable things that you read in the news paper. We take things for so granted, plan things years ahead, save for the upcoming decades and plan but in that process we forget doing things whole heartedly, because we always feel there's a tomorrow, and you will do it the best tomorrow or the next time.

This year Ramadan was special, it was not like before. we all were facing once in a lifetime crisis, the covid pandemic and I found solace at my prayer mat. 

Fasting, practicing a religion where you are a minority with much distractions and limited community is tough, while growing up, I never took not fasting as an option. In fact I argued and cried when mom used to tell me that I can skip my fast because I was getting weak or had too much on my plate, like exams, taking public commute to get to college and the summer season etc. But after coming here Ramadan had a different meaning, it was more of a commitment that you had to make to stick to your religion and to be practicing it with people of different religion and color around me who did not follow Ramadan.

This year I felt, Ramadan came at the right time, we all felt stuck and hopeless and scared , I wasn't sure how I would fast as I was used to fasting being at work and the day would pass just like another day with no one knowing what you are upto. But this time, I felt more connected to myself and God. I felt the most calm, in regular times I lose control, get angry when things get delayed or when I have to cook to feed myself when I am hungry but during Ramadan I never felt 'hangry' or impatient, isn't that what a religion is suppose to teach you? To be right and patient and positive and hopeful by keeping faith in the supreme. 

One of the goals of the month of Ramadan is to teach the humans to be thankful and patient. I did experience this truly this year. I felt like I was back in the day connected to God and he would listen to me if I repeatedly asked him for the same thing. When I was young, I would laugh and wonder if God would really listen to me if I keep chanting the same thing all time, that one wish was that I clear my 7th standard Maths paper, haha. So, this year reminded me of that time.

When I started writing this blog before Eid, I had it titled 'the not so Eid, Eid' but never can Eid lose its charm of being a special day, if you perform the Eid prayers or not, this year was no different, I celebrated with my sister, made Biryani and sheer khurma. Though my heart went out to a lot of people who couldn't celebrate because they lost their loved ones due to COVID, plane crash in Pakistan etc.. May Allah forgive us for all the wrong we have been doing and ease our sufferings in the coming time this year.