What do you think at 4 AM in morning?

I wanted to write about this from a long time, today as I can't fall back asleep at 4 AM in the morning, I have the moment to let the words flow.

Life's been crazy past few months, you know how you have that insect inside you that ah! This isn't for me, what am I doing? The dull feeling of waking up to the same day everyday. 

I was watching a show with husband day before, the show is called 'abstract' it's on Netflix, each episode is different, it's about Art and Design - something that I wouldn't watch alone, but would love to watch it with excitement and questions when watching with husband. So, the designer says -'if Life is predictable, You are a zombie!' When i heard that, I felt - Yes, so true. She then explains, how we expect things to be the way they're supposed to be and never create anything new or different and how it just kills creativity and invention, the simplest thing she told was her dislike towards wash basins/sinks, we use it so often, people of different age, but it's designed to be used by a fully functional  adult, children can't use it until they reach the right number on the scale. I don't intend to write the whole blog on the episode, but something to ponder about.

 I have been thinking about doing something different in the 8 hrs of time we dedicate in life for the routine we call 'work.' May be move industries at work and sometimes there's a strong thought in mind that - Why work for others? why make others earn more bucks? Why not do something of your own, something you like, something flexible and something which isn't same and boring everyday. I always laughed when husband told 'we should just retire at 35/40 and live life, we can go back to India, buy land, grow our own food...' But as I think more about a job being something to do that you like, the idea of the way we see it just appears wrong. But, it's a form of security, the kind of security which you wouldn't get if you have your farm and there's drought and no food for you to eat, sounds scary, but it depends how raw do you want life to be? I feel I want to open a coffee shop and operate at my own pace, it won't be a place by office space, to serve grumpy people who rush to go work, help others make millions/billions, it will be like a corner shop with minimal goodies and news paper on the table and maybe a football game running on the tiny TV, this is the coffee shop scene we went to when we were on vacation in Mexico, the guy working there looked so chilled out and happy doing what he was doing.

It might be justice if I write a second part of this blog..but the situation is that I am bugged with what I am doing and my mind and brain looks like it's rusted, you know if you see the  picture of a head and multiple gears inside it, I imagine mine to be rusty and unable to move, coz the society in the world we live in gives us only little chances, less that 0.000001%. 

The need for change theory which everyone talks about is bullshit, it's only good in books and fake speeches from the so called 'leaders.' There's a lot of resistance and no acceptance and people think you are a fool, when you try to do things outside what you have been doing or they might just label you as incompetent or confused. 

I have been in the automotive industry for sometime, moved from automobile to agriculture industry a year and a half ago, when I switched I didn't  have the intention to do something different, it just happened to be that the area I have been working on lies in the sector of mobility, so I fit in.

Why would anyone want to change their job if they don't want to change roles? More money? Bad manager? I don't know. If you  want to change roles for reasons like above, shouldn't it be considered in bad faith or ...? and already be seen as negative or maybe someone wants to move to a more competitive Industry, but even that  would be taken as a negative point, thinking - isn't your current job challenging enough? instead they wanna hire a person with 10-15 years of experience or a lifetime of experience in the same role, how can people even do that? I don't think I can..though I will be, if I don't get out of my current role. I kept thinking why wouldn't anyone use the 'need for change' concept - either they are too afraid of the change or they love what they do. And what about people who hire- why wouldn't they give people a chance to do something new? They don't believe in challenging the status quo? Isn't it suppose to make things better, get someone in the organization and fix some issues which you might have never looked at, where are all my MBA graduate leaders and people in HR? It's all bullshit and limited to books and theories. 

What do you think at 4 AM in morning? Hope not what I think. :/