The story of our boy!

It’s been a month since the time our beetle nut came in our lives and our lives changed completely, our priorities changed, the things in our house changed, my YouTube, instagram and Facebook feed changed. 

I  kept thinking I would write about my pregnancy in my blog, but the 9 months flew away and I never got to it, but I didn't want to skip this story because  I don’t want these moments to be forgotten.

A lot of stuff that are not centered around the baby, I don’t remember it, they call it a mothers brain, siva told. If you ask me what happened last week, I can’t clearly recall, if it isn’t around the baby. siva told that a mothers brain prioritizes baby stuff, I opened my work email last week and I couldn't remember most of the stuff that I left and people I trained before I left for maternity leave, so before I forget how baby arrived, I wanna pen it down.

Baby E was a day overdue, two days before he arrived was eid and I are biryani to content, I kept telling siva that if this boy comes after eating biryani, then he's gonna be a hyderabadi. 

July 11th, Monday morning, a week ago I started my maternity leave on July 5th, thinking baby E would arrive on 10th July which was my due date. A week spent on maternity leave, I kept my patience, but I was getting bored now of all the attention and special care from mom, husband and my brother and SIL. My YouTube was full of suggestions like ' how to engage labor,''how to dilate faster' etc. I was lying on couch with mom on video call with dad and dad went 'you look so uncomfortable in that position, please don't sleep like that,' I got bugged and went to use the restroom, I felt weird, this may be too much information but I found that I lost my mucus plug. I told siva about it and without thinking or talking anything he went to take shower. I asked him, why did you take shower? He goes 'I wanna be ready if anything happens and we need to go to the hospital.' I went to the gym and did some yoga ball exercises after this, came home and made dal and rice and rested a little bit. Whole day I kept getting confused if my amniotic fluid started to leak too. But, I wasn't sure, I wrote to my doctor and she responded that I didn't have to come to the hospital till i get any pains or till my water breaks. Being first time pregnant , I didn't know what any of them felt like, so all was assumptions.

In the evening I went for a long walk with my mom, on the way I felt that my amniotic fluid was leaking, I came home and secretly told my husband that let's not get too excited but I want to go check at the hospital. But before anything I wanted to eat, because I always heard that you can starve throughout the labor. So, siva made 3 rotis and omlet and we ate quickly.  So, I told mom that there was no reason to be excited or freak out and I and Siva were going to the hospital. Mom was calm and composed, she was confident that I would come back with the baby but I was just thinking that it was a false alarm. Our hospital bag was ready, so we just went in the clothes we were in, I wasn't even sure if the hospital would take me in, because my contractions didn't start then. Mom made dua and sent both of us. I told her not to tell anyone until morning because it may make everyone anxious and excited at night time.

We checked into the hospital and they put us in a covid delivery room, which had a big hose for probably refreshing air. They told us they'd move us to a different room once my covid test comes negative, which it did and we were moved to a better room. Before the covid test they checked if the fluid I was leaking was amniotic fluid or not. once I was all plugged in to monitors, the nurse asked if I could feel contractions, because I was getting contractions, but I couldn’t feel anything. So, she told we will wait for the contractions to get stronger till the morning. 

12th July, as early as you can think in the AM, nurses switched and the nurse on duty checked every unnecessary thing possible to keep me awake. She suggested me to walk if I can, so that I can dilate. But, I was already feeling dead and just wanted to sleep, coz I knew I wouldn’t get enough sleep there after and I wanted to be prepared and well rested when it was time to push. 

The nurse who came in the morning told that she’d give me pitocin to induce labor, since my contractions weren’t strong enough. She put an IV and injected a small amount of pitocin to kick start labor. My contractions became intense, in general the contractions build up in terms of pain intensity and duration I guess, but I was getting a contraction every 2 minutes and the pain was indescribable. During pregnancy I googled how contractions feel, google tells you it’s intense cramps, like one would have during period, Google, like always you were so not accurate. Contractions weren’t close to period cramps. When the contractions first started I was lying down and every time a contraction would begin, I would want to kill anyone who’d ask me anything. The nurse told me to walk or sit on the birthing ball, I did and it helped a little bit, but I didn’t feel it was worth bearing so much pain if something like epidural existed, after an hour or so I gave up and took epidural. The anesthesiologist came and very casually tried to find the spot in my spine to give epidural, he poked me twice or thrice because he couldn’t find where exactly he wanted to give the injection in my spine. In the middle of contractions he asked me ‘does that feel the center of your spine?’ How on earth am I suppose to know what is center of my spine? Specially after getting poked. He mentioned some weird reason that he had to poke twice, thrice because my spine isn’t straight. Blah! No one ever told me that before. 

Once I got epidural, I felt the most peaceful and rested with no pain. I was told I can only be in lying down position and no food, only liquids. Hot breakfast and lunch came to the room, but I got chicken soup only, later I came to know that it was just the chicken stock cube dissolved in hot water. I kept craving icecream and asked my nurse if I can have it, she very pleasingly gave me ice chips. I was craving icecream before I started for the hospital and siva even asked me on the way to the hospital before delivery, if I wanted icecream, but I ignored. I regretted saying no to that so much, because I was feeling so hot with all the medication and harmones.

Whole afternoon, the nurse kept changing my position to stabilize baby’s heart rate. It seems some baby's don't like pitocin and our baby was no different. His heart rate dipped after every contraction. The doctors observed it from morning until five and took a call that it was a safe option to go for a C section. We were not prepared for a C section but at that time whatever was safe for the baby was the option. We asked the doctor, when would we go in for the operation? It was 5:30 at that time and the doctor responded 'in the next 15 minutes.' I was shaken hearing that, I wasn't mentally prepared or even had time to digest the news that the doctor just told me that I’d have a C section. Now that I think of it, it seems like it wasn’t a big deal and why was I so scared? 

My body was shivering, tears rolling as they took me to the operation theater. The room was brightly lit. The anesthesiologist was beside me and siva was on the right side, the anesthesiologist told me that it is common to experience what I was going through during the process, emotional breakdown, shivering etc. I wasn’t sure what would happen, i just wanted the baby to be fine. Siva was at his jolliest and happiest, wearing the white suit that surgeons and others wear in operation theater. He was genuinely happy and trying to encourage me that our baby is coming. 6:00 PM, baby Eshan was out. He didn’t cry, the nurses were surprised why he didn’t cry. They cleaned him up and put him on my chest for skin contact for a few minutes. They took him up from me and siva was happily getting to do all the fun stuff like taking him for height check, weight check. I cannot forget that moment. Siva was his happiest, while I was getting stitched on the operation table. I kept thinking when would I get to do fun stuff with baby, I didn’t realize it would take sometime till I recover or now that it’s been a month, I think mom - son’s fun time is a little bit far away as it’s been a month with Eshan and till now it’s just been diapers, feeding and a lot of time spent looking at him enchantedly, another reason why I say mom-son fun time isn’t begun yet is because, he always starts crying every time I try to take a picture with him. 

That’s  the story of how baby Eshan made it into this world. I can write a story of him each day, because each day with him is so special.