Things Changes..We Change..for Good :)

It’s been sometime I wrote..(how many times do I start my blog with this line?). I wanted to continue writing something I wrote at the airport, but looks like Evernote did not save it and I lost my draft. ☹

Another note I wrote was on my birthday, but I forgot to publish it. I wanted to post it now..but if you can’t relate to those feelings at the moment then what’s the point posting about it? Anyways birthdays are awkward and this year it was rough with siva’s grandpa passing on my birthday due to covid.

I am at home living by myself after a long time. I just got out of my apartment, to see other humans and thought I will sit in the lounge and write for a little bit. Christmas mode is dull this time, but its still there, with Christmas decorations and music playing in the apartment lounge.  It’s here where I walk after my heavy meals and when I am bored stuck inside my apartment. I see faces familiar(in masks) - students working on their assignments, doctor doing his paper work, door man/woman.

Siva drove to Seattle last weekend and I have some time to be by myself. The first day, for few hours, I felt so productive and relaxed, with no one to yell on to keep things in place. But, I think I get productive because I get so bored alone and I just want to be doing something and keep myself busy. With siva around, we both laze around, waiting on each other to do chores, cook and clean. By the night I felt how come I lived like this few years ago? I lived for about a year all by myself, just before I got married. Otherwise, I always had roommates or siblings living with me.I remembered all the old times before I got married, going to bed alone was one of the hardest things, especially since I grew up sharing my bed with siblings, sleeping by mom. I would open social media, see married couples’ pictures and feel the void in my life and just sleep off. Some days, it would take hours and hours of Grey’s Anatomys episodes for me to fall sleep.

When I lived alone, I felt I was very organized, I would come home from work, go to gym. My roommates admired my dedication, they didn’t know I was doing it to cut time too and not just to lose weight. For a second I thought did I lose myself? And by the time I went to bed, I realized ‘No.’

What a blessing it is to have a partner, to appreciate each other’s presence, you need to take breaks like this, where you do your gratitude list and be thankful for people around you.

Thank you Allah Mia. 😊